Elevate Letter #37: The real reason 90% habits fail

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Your deepest flaws might actually be your greatest source of strength.

Most people believe that mental health struggles, anxiety, or personal challenges are defects that need to be "fixed" – that they make us somehow broken or less worthy.

We often think that the goal is to eliminate these imperfections to become "normal."

Consider the ancient Japanese art of Kintsugi. 

When a piece of pottery breaks, artisans don't try to hide the cracks.

Instead, they repair them with gold, creating something even more valuable than the original.

The broken pieces aren't a flaw – they're an essential part of the object's beauty and history.

I lived this transformation myself.

For years, I lay awake at night, my mind racing with existential thoughts, carrying anxiety like a constant companion.

In my early twenties, when adult responsibilities hit, I convinced myself I was irreparably broken.

But then I discovered something remarkable: through meditation, journaling, and self-reflection, I didn't eliminate my anxiety – I transformed it.

Those same racing thoughts became fuel for deep self-awareness. That heightened sensitivity evolved into empathy and creativity.

Our struggles and imperfections aren't signs of brokenness – they're opportunities for growth and transformation.

While society often pushes us to "fix" ourselves, the real power lies in embracing and redirecting our challenges.

Like Kintsugi, it's not about hiding our cracks but about filling them with gold – turning our perceived flaws into sources of strength and beauty.

We're not broken vessels needing to be fixed; we're working in progress being continually refined.

Our anxieties, sensitivities, and struggles can become our greatest teachers when we stop fighting them and start working with them.

The goal isn't to become perfect – it's to become more authentically ourselves, golden cracks and all.

Every time the light hits those golden seams of your experience just right, you'll remember: you weren't broken. You were becoming.

A hill I'll die on:

Most habits don't fail due to a lack of motivation or discipline.

They fail due to a lack of accountability.

And more specifically, external accountability.

Think about it:​

When you have a deadline at work, you meet it.

When a friend is waiting for you at the gym, you show up.

When you invest in a coach or a program, you follow through.

We care way more about disappointing others than disappointing ourselves.

It’s sad but true—so we might as well leverage it.

If you’re struggling to stick with something, stop relying on willpower. Instead, make it so someone else will notice if you don’t follow through.

Try this:

​Pick one habit you’re struggling to stick with.

Now add some accountability—a partner, a coach, a class, a public commitment.

Make it harder to quit than to keep going.

Laurie Santos is a world expert in happiness.

Her Psychology and the Good Life course is the most popular ever taught in the history of Yale University.

​This interview on the Huberman Lab was packed with so many happiness hacks, it would be impossible for me to include them all here.

But here are 5 that stood out to me:

1. The Social Prediction Error

We often assume socializing will be awkward or tiring, but research shows we almost always feel happier afterward (this applies to introverts too). Your brain thinks it knows what will make you happy, but it’s often wrong.

Try this: Next time you feel like skipping a social event, go for at least 30 minutes. Your brain is likely underestimating the payoff.

​2. “NutraSweet” Connection

Social media feels like socializing, but it’s just a cheap imitation. Laurie Santos compares it to “NutraSweet” for the brain—something that tricks you into thinking you’re getting what you need but leaves you feeling empty.

Try this: Replace one texting or scrolling session today with a real-time conversation—call, video chat, or meet in person.

​3. The Dopamine Rule

Huberman’s rule: Dopamine feels best when you earn it. If you constantly chase quick hits—scrolling, binge-watching, fast food—you train your brain to expect rewards without effort.

Try this: Before seeking a dopamine hit, ask: “Have I earned this?” Shift towards effort-based rewards—movement, learning, or deep conversations.

4. Hedonic Adaption (The Double Edged Sword)

We quickly get used to both good and bad things. This is why achievements lose their excitement fast—but also why pain fades over time. A blessing and a curse.

Try this: Savor the good while it lasts—pause and appreciate small joys before they fade into the background. And when life gets hard, remind yourself: You will adjust.

​5. The Power of Delights

Gratitude is great, but can feel forced and a little cheesy. Laurie suggests a “delight practice” instead—train yourself to notice tiny moments of joy in real time. The smell of coffee, a perfectly timed song, a warm breeze—these small, unexpected joys wire your brain to feel happier without effort.

Try this: Make note (either in your head or on paper) of one “delight” each day that made you smile.

​My challenge to you:

Reply to this email with one sentence you wish you read sooner.

Have a great week friends!

Previous Elevate Letters👇

P.S. : If you haven’t read our previous Elevate Letter editions here they are 😀

»Elevate Letter #36: 3 Tools That Are Making Me More Productive

»Elevate Letter #35: Build Your Focus Like A Muscle

»Elevate Letter #34: 20 books everyone should read at least once in their life