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Elevate Letter #39: 3 hacks to be supercommunicator

Elevate Letter #39: 3 hacks to be supercommunicator

PLUS : Go for a walk, The Second Arrow, Most underrated skills in life & Little thing that aren't little

Ajay Malhotra
March 09, 2025 • Reading Time: 12 minutes

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Some of the most valuable life skills aren’t the ones you put on a résumé—they’re the quiet skills that shape your success, relationships, and peace of mind.

Last week, while catching up with a close friend, we started talking about underrated life skills.

The things that aren’t flashy but quietly make all the difference.

Here are six that stood out:

1. Asking without expectation of return

This frees you from the emotional rollercoaster of anticipation and disappointment. By letting go of attachment to outcomes, you can make more requests, increase your opportunities, and maintain peace of mind—regardless of the answer. Win-win-win.

2. Protecting your mental energy

"Ignore topics that drain your attention.

Unfollow people that drain your energy.

Abandon projects that drain your time.

Do not keep up with it all.

The more selectively ignorant you become, the more broadly knowledgeable you can be."

James Clear

3. Getting good at doing the boring stuff

The people who succeed aren’t the most talented—they’re the ones willing to do the dull, repetitive work that others avoid.

Think about an athlete drilling the same move for hours or a writer editing a single paragraph twenty times.

Mastery is built in the mundane.

4. Knowing when to quit

We’re told to “never give up,” but knowing when to quit isn’t failure—it’s strategy. Walking away from a dead-end job, a toxic relationship, or a draining project frees you to invest in something better.

5. Being brave enough to suck at something new

Too many dreams die because of the fear of looking silly.

The discomfort of being bad at something new is the price of admission to every skill you'll ever develop.

6. Going first in life

"I always say that I’ll go first.

At the store, I say hello first.

When I make eye contact with someone, I smile first.

[I wish] people would experiment with that in their life a little bit.

Be first, because—not all times, but most times—it comes in your favor."

Olympic champion Gabby Reece

Now, over to you:

What’s a small skill that’s had a big impact on your life?

Hit reply—I’d love to hear it.

This TED Talk from Charles Duhigg checks all the boxes for me—because it reveals how simple communication shifts can transform your relationships:

Fascinating topic (how connection really works)
Backed by research (grounded in psychology and studies)
Easy to apply (proven shifts that instantly improve conversations)

If you want to dramatically improve your communication skills in the next 15 minutes, watch it.

Here are three strategies I’ll be applying:

1. Know Which Type of Conversation You're In

Most discussions fall into three categories:

▪︎ Practical conversations (solving a problem)

▪︎ Emotional conversations (seeking empathy)

▪︎ Social conversations (defining identity and relationships)

When you’re frustrated that someone isn’t listening, the real issue might be you’re having different types of conversations.

For example, if a friend is venting about a tough day and you jump into problem-solving mode, you’re in a practical conversation, while they’re in an emotional one.

No wonder it feels off.

Next time, pause and ask yourself: What kind of conversation are we actually having? Then match their energy.

2. Ask Better Questions—You’ll Get Better Answers

Most of us default to shallow, surface-level questions:

▪︎ Where do you work?

▪︎ Where are you from?

But meaningful conversations—and real connections—start with thoughtful questions.

Instead of facts, ask about experiences and feelings:

▪︎ What do you love about your work?

▪︎ What’s something that changed you in high school?

▪︎ Why does this work?

When people reflect on meaningful experiences, they open up, leading to deeper connections.

3. Vulnerability is the Fastest Path to Connection

We’re wired to think that revealing our struggles makes us look weak. But research shows the opposite—vulnerability creates instant connection.

In one study, strangers were asked a simple but powerful question: When was the last time you cried in front of someone?

At first, they hated the idea—but after the conversation, nearly all of them reported feeling deeply connected to the other person.

Try this: Instead of hiding struggles, share a small personal challenge in your next conversation. You’ll likely find that people lean in, not away.

Why do we make painful moments even worse?

A Buddhist parable explains this perfectly.

In Buddhist psychology, pain is inevitable.

The first arrow is life’s unavoidable suffering—failure, rejection, loss.

It strikes when something bad happens.

But the real pain often isn’t from the first arrow—it’s from the second one we fire at ourselves.

Rejection isn’t enough—we add self-doubt.
A mistake isn’t enough—we add self-criticism.
Failure isn’t enough—we add shame.

The second arrow isn’t the event itself—it’s the emotional wound we inflict on ourselves.

And here’s the thing: the second arrow is optional.

Regret, guilt, and overanalysis don’t change the past.

They only deepen the wound.

Imagine losing your job.

The first arrow is the loss itself.

The second arrow? Telling yourself you’re a failure, that you’ll never recover.

Which one hurts more?

Neuroscientists say our brains naturally amplify pain when we dwell on it.

The suffering from the second arrow isn’t reality—it’s perception.

Like any skill, learning to stop the second arrow takes practice.

The more you catch yourself, the less power it has over you.

So next time you feel pain, pause.

Ask yourself: Is this the first arrow, or am I making it worse? If it’s the second—put the bow down.

Funny how the moments that stick with us most aren’t the grand, flashy ones, but the quiet, unexpected ones.

We tend to think love and care are measured in big moments—surprise trips, elaborate gifts, dramatic declarations.

But more often, it’s the smallest things that carry the deepest meaning.

Like your coworker handing you a cup of coffee exactly how you like it—before you even ask.

Or a friend putting their phone away mid-conversation, locking eyes with you as if you’re the only person in the world.

Or that lingering hug from someone who knows you needed it after a tough week.

Maybe the real proof of care isn’t in grand gestures, but in the little ways we show up for each other every day.

What’s a small moment that meant the world to you?

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P.S. : If you haven’t read our previous Elevate Letter editions here they are 😀